Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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