Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
