I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
