just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
