like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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