I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
