people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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