I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
