happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
