It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
