I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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