its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
