i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
