Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
