I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
