i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
