woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
