1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Me. At least after what I've been through.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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