dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
