My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
