So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
