you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
