textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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