The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
