Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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