So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
