i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
