I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
