you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What a dumb baby whore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
