that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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