there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
