it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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