Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
