Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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