I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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