She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
