this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
