I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
