I am puke
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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