I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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