i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
