I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
