Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Shame - the story of my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
