He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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