why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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