can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
