I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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