The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
