Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
