holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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