why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
