You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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