hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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