So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
