It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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