Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
