Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
