My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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