Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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