Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
