im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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