Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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